PART 1 Understanding Relationships 1

1 Present and Unaccounted For 3

2 The Life and Death of a Relationship 17

3 It’s a Matter of Perspective 47

PART 2 Strengthening Relationships 67

4 Using the Heat of the Moment 69

5 Mapping Relationships 89

6 Focusing Investments, Managing Costs 119

PART 3 Transforming Relationships 131

7 Navigating Change Over Time 133

8 Disrupting Patterns 143

9 Reframing Each Other 173

10 Revising What You Know 197

APPENDIX A: A Guide to Behavioral Repertoires 231

APPENDIX B: The Ladder of Reflection 243

NOTES 255

BIBLIOGRAPHY 277

ADDITIONAL READING 287

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 291

THE AUTHOR 295

INDEX 297